Youth at risk
So, it’s been 21 years since the summer of 2000 and I’ve learned so much.
As a criminal, a fugitive, and an inmate all stemming from a false identity as a drug dealer with some real character defects but I was working in unbeknownst to me. So the ego I had Jesse James Hollywood was just a cover of mask for secondary defects: low self-esteem and issues like abandonment, rejection, entitlement, all stemming from my childhood moving around a lot, drug dealers, bookies, attics, alcoholics. The kids that gravitated to me had no supervision so they were the kids involved in gangs and drugs. So during this time I developed normalization warped beliefs that I was the predictor of all my other defects. Through thousands of hours of self help, I’ve learned the story of my defects, where they began, and how they were reinforced throughout my childhood up to my life crime.
Now, thank God, up to my turning point and my genuine change; you can change too. If you get in touch with yourself and figure out how, you became the person you are. When I surrendered my life to the Lord in 2007 at level for Calipatria State Prison, I never imagine being the man I am today.
I think about my victims every day and by focusing on my education and honoring them, taking action steps to be a better man, and on the law biting citizens I think and I am grateful that my prayers are being answered. The main thing is this…
Forget about everything else..... live each day pleasing to God and help do good and don’t lose heart.
Galatians 6: 9"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."
Do it for your victims, your family, those who are there for you, do it for yourself to be a better man or woman
For anyone who hasn’t been to prison with an intermediate sentence, they will never really know what it’s like. What it entails. The weight on our shoulders and the adversities to overcome.
In my 16 years of incarceration I’ve began a journey with the goal of having an “eternal perspective“. My greatest expectation is not to be released not out any of the material things of the world, that has the hustle and bustle or the California lifestyle I want to chose to embrace. It’s about really just submitting and letting go of those self-destructive wants and desires for excessive financial gain, power, and control.
I am praying for God‘s care and protection and living a new life of responsibility, accountability, forgiveness, and amends. I’ve committed myself to honoring my victims by getting college degrees, working towards rehabilitation, through self-help courses, constantly staying grounded, focused on being cooperative, positive, helpful and promoting social acceptance. Learning and studying in depth to the cycle of criminal and drug addiction and it’s obsession, compulsion and progression has been a key point on my studies. We learn the inception of our defects and how they are reinforced through our childhood up to our life crime. And, one turning point, where we decide to exchange our destructive self-will for a spiritual principle to turn our lives right side up. Humility is a key principal. I’ve been focusing on quitting many of my defects. Also I really think understanding the difference between “reacting“ and emotional relief and responding and considered action it’s been an important part of my rehabilitation along with my education.
We have to think before we act and realize there are consequences. We are never products of our environment, but products of our decisions. The thought of having an eternal perspective is something great, but to actually attain it takes years if not decades to acquire. It can only be built up through a furnace of affliction, situation similar to the way diamonds are formed under pressure the prison experience to me has been an opportunity a great one a training camp to draw closer to the Lord to be about his business to give back.
As kids we were given a lot so it’s our turn to pay attention, take heed to the word and as we become men to put the childish things aside. To grow stronger in one relationship with God and strive to obtain an eternal perspective
Keep your eye on the cross,