I have put together past event in my life that caused me hurts; events that combined into larger hurt today. I wondered about how these things from the past related to who I became in the mitts of my addictions and who I am today. The mini relationships along the way and the things I learned from them had a large park to play in my life. I know God created family to experience and learn about love Relationships, but that was not my experience. I did not experience healthy, wholesome, God like love. Therefore as I developed I was unable to participate in those types of loving relationships in a healthy normal way because I did not have much experience with them in my early years of development. I continue to acquire “baggage”, deep hurts, and paint inside during my early childhood teen years and well into adulthood. Because I continue to acquired this “mess”, I did not know how to love or regulate emotions in my life, therefore,I continue to hurt as a result.
I know God provided us mother and fathers to teach us responsibility, and to love ourselves, and how to love each other. I did not have this parental guidance so I failed to learn to love myself , others, or how to behave responsibly. It’s seems like I missed the bus and could never figure it all out. I continued to ask myself, “will I ever be able to correct my thinking and habits?”. Going back into my childhood and looking at my life and what I went through, then coming to know Jesus Christ, and receiving his love and forgiveness, I was able to heal, I learned to love, and forgive others for harm done to me. I forgive myself for the harm inflicted upon myself. All the difficult harmful and destructive influences; I forgave. My parents; I forgave. My broken and damaged self; I forgade. All the deeply buried feelings that haunted my life; I gave to God.