Youth at Risk
So, it has been 21 years since the summer of 2000 and I’ve learned so much… As a criminal, a fugitive, and an inmate, all stemming from a false identity as a drug dealer with some real character defects that I was working in unbeknownst to me.
So the ego I had an Jesse James Hollywood was just a cover up/a mask for secondary rejects, low self-esteem, and issues like abandonment, reject, and non-entitlement all stemming from my childhood moving around a lot and looking up to drug dealers, bookies, attics, and alcoholics. The kids that gravitated toward me had no supervision, so they were kids involved in gangs and drugs. So during this time, I developed normalizing warped beliefs that I was the picture of all my other defects.
Through thousands of hours of self-help I’ve learned the source of my defects, where they began, and how they were reinforced through my childhood up to my life crime. Now, thank God, up to my turning point and my genuine change. You can change too if you’re getting in touch with yourself just figure out how you become the person you are. When I surrendered my life to the Lord in 2017 at level four Calipatria State Prison, I never imagined being the man I am today. I think about my victims every day and by focusing on education and honoring them, taking active steps to be a better man and be a law abiding citizen. I think and I am grateful that my prayers are being answered. The main thing is this… Forget about everything else… Live each day pleasing to God and keep doing good and don’t lose heart. Galatians 6:9 tells us in due time you will reap! Do it for your victims, your families, those who were there for you. Do it for yourself to be a better man/woman!
For anyone who hasn’t been to prison with an indefinite, indeterminate sentence, they will never really know what it is like. What it entails… The weight on our shoulders and the adversities to overcome. In my 16 years of incarceration I’ve began a journey with the goal of having an "eternal perspective". My greatest expectation is not to be released, not of any of the material things of the world, the hustle and bustle or the California lifestyle I once chose to embrace, nope, it is about really just submitting and letting go letting out those self-destructive wants and desires for excessive financial gain. Power. And control… Praying for God‘s care and protection and living a new life of responsibility, accountability, forgiveness, and amends.
I’ve committed myself to honoring my victims by getting college degrees, working towards rehabilitation through self-help classes, constantly staying grounded, focused, on being cooperative, positive, helpful, and promoting social acceptance. Learning and studying in depth the cycle of criminal and drug addiction and its obsession, compulsion and progression has been a KeyPoint in my studies… We learn the inception of our defects and how they are reinforced through our childhood up to our life crime, and our turning point where we decided to exchange our destructive self will for spiritual principles to turn our lives right side up.
Humility is a big principle. I’ve been focusing on to quash many of my defects. Also, I really think understanding the difference between “reacting“ and emotional reflects and “ responding“ considered action it’s been an important part of my rehabilitation along with my education. We have to think before we act and realize there are consequences. We are never products of our environment but products of our decisions. The thought of having an eternal perspective is something great, but to actually attain it takes years if not decades to acquire. It can only be built up through a furnace of affliction, similar to the way diamonds are formed under pressure; the prison experience to me has been an opportunity, a great one, a training camp, to draw closer to the Lord. To be about His business, to give back.
As kids we are given a lot, so it’s our turn to pay attention; heed the word, and as we become men, put the childish things aside. To grow strong in our relationship with God and strive to obtain an eternal perspective.
Keep your eye on the cross