Who am I…
Many people have asked this very question of themselves. I for one, have always been reluctant to consider such an in-depth inquiry of anyone, let alone of myself. But as with everything else in life there always comes that time ,and there isn’t any better time for me then now.
When someone says “life crime” they’re referring to what ultimately landed you with such an extended sentence. However, I consider my “life crime” all of my criminal behavior. Initially, coming to prison and being sentenced under the three strikes law for a non-violent case, I’d be extremely embarrassed to admit this. That is who I was.
At 23 years of age I was “struck out “for residential burglary I committed. I was so self-centered and so inconsiderate of anyone. Violating someone’s personal space and property with no regard for anyone safety, I wrecked this person‘s car that I had taken out of his home’s garage.
Once convicted and serving time I continue to feed my addictions to substances as well as the criminal Lifestyle. Unless it was asked, I would never willingly admit the nature of my crime, I was ashamed. Ashamed to be serving a “life “sentence for what I believed to be a petty crime. My theory was, that I could have and should have taken a life. "Might as well have", as everyone said to me.
This is no longer the case, I regret having that audacity to burglarize someone’s home. I could only imagine the distress I must have caused that family and I think God there wasn’t anyone in the house at the time of my crime. Having absolutely no appreciation of the consequence, things would’ve undoubtedly turned for the worst. Given the opportunity I would like to demonstrate how much I’ve matured and grown in recent years. No longer do I succumb to the pressures of my peers and only wish to become a functioning member of my community. Most importantly I am no longer in pervious to punishment not in the least. I know for certain that CDCR will always have an open bed for me. If not, well, they’ll make room! That is who I now am.
The reason I wish to participate in sharing my truth, is to openly show my own self how all I found difficulties to do, has Been because I’ve made it so. My hardship in addiction was only given me free reign to do as I pleased. This is short but sincere writing is how I’ve gotten here. As a brutally abused and neglected child, I began to resent and grew to hate my own mother for her treatment of me I can honestly say I was one of those few kids who loved and enjoyed going to school, my walk home after every school day never seem long enough and if it was a Friday I’d cry. It wasn’t long before initiating my “career” as a ward of the court beginning with the foster system, all behind the child abuse I was forced to endure of the hands of my mother. This may also explain why I had absolutely no problem witnessing my mother be a victim of domestic violence, I’ve always been ashamed to admit this, but, if it is truth then it must be said.
Being one of the “cool “kids was all I strived for and all that took was to smoke weed. I was 12 years old when I took my first toke off a joint and all I did was laugh uncontrollably, I loved it! I felt that I now had a purpose, to continue smoking. When I smoked I became a completely different person, I became more sociable, confident, humorous, and what has always been so important to me, more likable! I was so afraid of rejection.
This however is no longer the case, I no longer find my courage and something I exhale. Although there are many aspects of my life that are so uncomfortable to ever think of, it’s been so relieving to finally address them. Not repressed them as I always have through my addictions. I really don’t like to speak up all I’ve gone through because to me it seems like I’m Continuing to blame others for my own actions, but I also now Understand that these factors, even if in the minimal, did contribute and shape who I became. Those same beliefs that I’ve always known to be wrong, only different now is my willingness to finally let them go. So no I will not hit that man and no I will not shove that up my rear, no thank you! And no, I don’t mind sharing my truth anymore, my name is Richard Peleitez, pleased to meet you. Who are you you?