Remorse letter to the community of Red Bluff in Tehama county
My name is Felix Martinez, and the reason for this letter is to apologize to every citizen in the community that was affected, directly or indirectly, by my bad choices that were reckless and violent. I truly regret and I am shameful for the person that I was while being a resident in Red Bluff. I was a reckless and selfish person that had no consideration for the safety of others and no respect for the law.
Due to my false beliefs, that I had installed in myself by living a gang life, I took matters in my own hands and felt entitled to cause harm to anyone that disrespected me or caused me harm. By no way am I trying to justify my actions. I had no right to do the bad things that I did and I take full responsibility for my actions.
I am sorry for possessing a rifle and having the intention to use it, if anyone came into my property without my consent. I am an ex-felon and I had no right to possess the rifle and violate the law. I am sorry for the citizens that had to hear the police sirens when the police came to my home. I have come to understand that this may have caused stress, anxiety, and discomfort to them in their own home. Emotional and psychological stress may have been triggered due to the sirens. Those sirens may have brought them back to some horrible past memories, or leave them wondering if the sirens might be headed to one of their own family members homes or even neighbors homes. No one should go through this kind of stress. I also want to apologize for driving reckless, fighting, and stabbing an individual in the middle of the street. My reckless driving may have caused an accident or even worse like killed an innocent person. I am shameful for the people that witnessed the attack. Seeing this kind of violence may have caused fear for their lives, A feeling of confusion, and an safeness, and a lifelong damage due to the traumatic event. No one should witness a horrible event like the one I caused. I also want to apologize for attacking an individual while I was in custody in the Tehama County Jail. My actions may have caused fear, stress, and anxiety to the officers that responded to the incident and the medical staff. Because of my selfish actions, I wasted so much of the community resources and peoples valuable time. For example all the money that went to my trial, knowing that I was guilty. The juries time that was spent hearing my case. I took away their valuable time away which they could have spent with their family. The stress and anxiety that I may have caused by them hearing and seeing the pictures of the violent acts that I committed. The feeling of fear that I might be set free back into the community. I am truly sorry for being the violent, compulsive, careless, selfish, and callous person that causes so much distress and discard in the community.
I admit and take full responsibility for my actions. There is no excuse for what I have done and I alone accountable. I am sorry and remorseful for all that I have done. I have really reflected and have come to understand the magnitude of my actions. I know that just being sorry Is not enough. The community deserves better.
Through countless hours of journaling and self-help I have changed my life completely. I have given my life to the Lord, learning spiritual principles, “I trust in the Lord with all my heart and not my own understanding” Proverbs 3 :5. I have left behind all gang ties and continue to improve my life by participating in numerous self-help groups.
I currently participate and facilitate “Alternative to Violence Project (AVP)“, which teaches coping skills to effectively communicate instead of using violence.
I currently facilitate “Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)“, helping those that struggle with addiction. I have learned how my life was unmanageable and how alcohol influenced my bad behavior.
I also participate in “Criminal and Gang Awareness (CGA)“ which has taught me how my life was based on a set of false beliefs that I had adopted from others, and modified to justify an excuse my choices and actions. I gained awareness of my addiction to criminal activity.
“Fathers Behind Bars“ has taught me the importance of my role as a father and a husband to my family and the impact my absence had on my entire family.
I have completed correspondence courses such as Bible studies, domestic violence, gang awareness, victim awareness, and I am currently improving my education by attending Imperial Valley College (IVC). I will continue to associate myself with positive people, attend church and Bible studies daily.
I have dedicated my life to live an amends. I am always looking for opportunities on how I can be of service and help others change their lives. I feel inclined to educate and stop the vicious cycle of addiction and criminality that has caused so many victims.
I sincerely thank you for hearing me out. I am truly sorry and deeply apologize for all the harm and suffering I have caused. I hope that I can work to make things right.
Respectfully submitted,
Felix Martinez AU7394.