"Who were you at the time of your life crime, and who are you today?"
Is what I will be writing about today!
Well, compared to who I was then, and who I am now, is different. Now, I am a changed person. Don’t really want to talk much about who I am now, I will be writing about who I used to be then, first! Growing up in Los Angeles county around 11 years old was difficult. Didn’t really have my dad in my life and my mom had to work two jobs every day to keep a roof over my head, I felt alone. I was always sad because I didn’t really have anyone there for me, anyone to listen to me. I started hanging out with the wrong crowd at 12 years old. I joined a gang, I started using drugs, I got brainwashed by the streets and in the gang that I gotta be a gangster, shoot people, rob people, and hurt people. I used to see them do it, so I thought it was alright. I was lost, confused, under the influence of drugs, I was blind. I didn’t know I could be better than all that. I didn’t believe in myself like I do now. I was so negative, all I wanted to do was: be the baddest person.
Coming to prison changed my whole mindset, I started to realize that what I was doing was wrong. I started sobering up, things really started getting clear to me; I need to help make the world a better place, and that I need to stop this gang banging mentality. So, I decided to leave it all. I hit a SNY yard. I got tired of being tired and doing nothing with my life while being under nobodies, I changed! For myself, kids, and community. I wanna give hope to everyone going through what I went through as a child growing up! I want to save many lives! I’m tired of all the violence, people killing each other, seeing people be homeless, I regret all the bad I ever did, wasting my life in jail. I wish everything could have been different.
Today I am happy! It feels good not to be part of the gang anymore, feels good to only want to do good. Now, I want to change lives. I want people to respect me, to love me, to know about me from all the good I am doing in the world, from all the lives I am helping because all lives matter! I want to be a famous movie actor, make movies that will change lives, inspire people to do what’s right, to help make the world a better place as well. Because we can all do that! If we all work together.
I would love to bring change to the world and give people hope. I want everyone to be happy, I wish everyone the best! I no longer want to be remembered as a gangster when I die. I want to be remembered as a man! A good man! I wanna leave behind a good legacy! I don’t want to hurt anymore.I want change. I know God put me in this world for a huge reason, to save lives to bring change! Who I am now gives me a peace of mind I am happy with myself. Real real proud of myself, I am confident, determined, focused, happy ,open to change. I thank God that He changed my life and my ways. Thanks be to God! Love him and the world!
Sincerely,
Gonzalo JR Sanchez
BC5117
Calipatria State Prison D-4
"Now I know"
Dear God, forgive me for all my sins.
I realized I done a lot of bad that I gotta quit
That I gotta turn my life around now
I gotta do something with my life make both my kids proud
Used to believe I was made to be in a cell
Used to believe I wasn't made for anything else
Now I believe in myself, I wanna do well
Show the world what I'm made of and share all my wealth
I'm tired of seeing people fail, there's someone out there that needs my help
God give me one more chance to make it out of jail
I remember when I was young when my father left
I was always sad putting bad thoughts in my head
That I didn't mean nothing, I was home alone feeling hungry
Mom worked but she barely had enough money
I'm glad she never gave up and she always loved me
She believed in me when everyone said I was nothing
I regret all them shootings I was going
When I was in CYA I thought my life was a movie
And if its a movie it's going to be about redemption
God look at me now my life perfecting
I'm realizing we are all human and all lives matter
I'm tired of hurting and seeing my mom get sadder
I wanna see her proud one day from the music I make
From all the lives in the world that I changed
There's a lot in this world that we can do
I wanna see everyone happy and that's including you
Ten years from now I wanna be famous
Make music, be in movies, be entertaining
All the ones going through what I want through tellem I aint worth it
Showem another way, a life's that perfect
God Im Sorry! Ima better my soul
Cause now I see what you want, now I know!
I pray to God
I pray to God to forgive me for all the bad I have done every night before I go to bed because today I am in a point in my life where I know that all the bad I have done throughout my whole life was wrong. That I hurt a lot of people and brought a lot of fear to the community.
I know God forgives me, so I forgive everyone that has hurt me in a way. I wish nobody was poor and that everyone was happy. I wish crime and drugs didn’t exist.
I know God has a plan for me. I know he wants me to help him do his will in this world and I will. I plan, when I get out, to make Music. I know I will inspire people to change, make movies and be in them, make movies with a good message.
All the money that I make I want to use it to build more shelters for those who don’t have homes, make more hospitals, more rehab centers, I want to help everyone!
I know God will help me in my journey! Because there’s a lot of lives I got to save.
I want to show the world that I don’t got to join a gang or use drug, there’s hope!
All I want in life is for everyone to be happy, to believe in themselves that no one‘s got to suffer.
I want the world to love me, to see all the good inside of me, to see that I changed.
I want to make my two daughters proud of me and also my mother!
I thank God, that He made me snap out of it! That He saved me, thank you God, I love you!