What are you remorseful about?
I am most remorseful about hurting so many people throughout my life. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. While I don’t dwell on it, I have done a lot of work toward fixing myself. I still find that, at times, I am bewildered by my past behavior. I’ve learned though, that "hurt people" hurt people for arbitrary and capricious reasons.
For example, I remember when I was six or seven years old . I beat friend with punches and kicks until he cried and begged me to stop, just for saying he knew karate. I wanted to prove that he didn’t. Inturn, I was beaten by my mother until I cried and begged her to stop when she had found out what I had done. I was not being able to explain that her hitting me led to me hitting others.
Well, this is not the earliest example of my bad behavior, it is one of the ones I’m least ashamed of that popped up recently.
So, yes, hurting people is the thing I’m most remorseful about. But, it’s not the end of my story. As I mentioned, I’m putting in the work to fix myself. I plan on helping people that are in the same cycle of violence I was in as a child.
Things do get better, even if they need to get a whole lot worse first.
“What are you hopeful about?”
There are many things that I am hopeful about in my life currently, but what I’m most hopeful about is the person that I am becoming.
While the vast majority of my life has been filled with anger, pain, and violent, I now find myself wanting peace and love. No longer living in fear. Quick to forgive and forget.
I’m not a robot, though, and sometimes go wrong and I have negative thoughts about who I thought I was and what that person would do, but I don’t, because I don’t want that in my life. I don’t want to hurt people any longer, and I work my way through it.
I’ve got so many tools in my toolbox, from the groups I’ve taken and the books that I’ve read, that someday that something is going to help in whatever situation I find myself in. And that’s what has me most hopeful in my life, the new and improved me.