July 16, 2021
In 2010 I was convicted of multiple kidnapping and assault charges. My primary goal then and now is to get out of prison, so I directed my focus on the law and educating myself to do what I could to better my chances at that goal of freedom. While fighting through the justice system, I also had to fight in prison to keep my sanity. But also to keep myself safe from the violence and immortality of prison. I became a person I did not like, in fact I despise who I’d become while serving time. I’d become violent and my mindset was hurt anyone that wanted to hurt me. As a result I became a resident in the SHU solitary confinement, where the administration puts people who engage in violence beyond the norm. While there, I began to read lots of books about various topics like physiology, psychology, law, politics, social behaviors, and self-help books. One book in particular, I came across some years later, was a book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel. After immersing myself in the ways of how the mind works, I realized my change had to come from within.
At my time of self motivation to change, I was still involved with violent acts and behaviors and as a result I became detached from my human, spiritual and moral side. I felt since society and a jury viewed me as “animal” or “predator” I should become this thing. It took years for me to regain myself, sanity, and focus. I became inspired to change for my kids and now grandchild. I need to know how and where I began to lose myself so I began a self analysis and deconstructed my way of thinking, breaking down my behaviors and motivations from a particular age.
I can remember asking my higher power for help to relieve me of violent behavior and restore the man to human in order to have a better life in prison within the world, my family, and those homes I had hands in hurting. And my effort at destroying my defective thoughts and actions. I’m content with the person I’ve changed into and will continue down this new road. I’d like nothing more than to put my entrepreneurial work to good use, for now, I can even behind a wall.
As of now, my outlook is very different than it was 12 years ago. My effort to continue to change my self is coupled with the notion of helping others the best way I can. now, I can see the change the desire to be better to do better understanding my responsibilities to have integrity at all times is paramount to my change. I refuse to fail and be disappointed in myself for those I love.
Poem
Black thought